Part One

Before I became this perfect specimen of humanity consisting pouty lips and sharp cheekbones, I was one of the commoners. Mousy brown hair, sturdy body and a pug nose did not exactly endear me to my peers and they were all too willing to let me know so. Names like lard ass and potato nose were my motivators for sculpting my body into the pristine condition it currently was in. I suppose you could say that my only redeeming feature were my eyes. Hazel with dominant flecks of green and gold, they lit up my face and made it bearable to look at. Unfortunately, they were obscured by thick prescription glasses that covered nearly half my face. The optician informed me that my lenses were too thick to be supported by the trendy frames I craved so I was stuck looking like the female Steve Urkel. Throw in my propensity for dressing like a sister wife and combining socks with sandals, you got your good old fashioned social reject.

I suppose the breaking point was when I had just turned fifteen. My parents were away on individual business trips. At least that’s what they called them. I found out long ago that it was code for visiting their mistresses. Yes mistresses. Apparently my mother had a sapphic inclination that spanned the entirety of her marriage with my father. I accidentally found out about their extra marital affairs when I heard them arguing about who would stay with me that weekend since my nanny called in sick. I was twelve at that point and did not really see the necessity of a glorified baby sitter. So I voiced that opinion when they came out of their bedroom. The relief in their eyes was rather obvious but they tried playing the caring parents card by assuring me that they would call me twice a day while they were away and leave me money for anything I needed. They always left the fridge well stocked and told the housekeeper to check on me before she left for the day. To them, that was enough to appear to have fulfilled their parental duties. After all, image was important. You could not have the Perry’s being maligned with accusations of child neglect. Perish the thought, why they were the most upstanding members of the community. Good Christians with strong moral values they adhered to. Sure their child was a bit odd but she’d grow out of it, every child went through an awkward stage…


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